June 19, 2014 | By: Vidyanath Aarvi

French Fried Oil Change

         There are two types of men in this world. The one who get under the hood of the car and change the oil themselves and the others touch the oil when they eat French fries. People who know me, know that I'm French fries kind of guy.

         In the recent times I decided to make a change. I thought of doing oil change myself. Accordingly I  designed a four step process how to do it.

1. Research
2. Planning
3. Execution and 
4. The last and more important Show Off

What you are reading right now is Step 4. Some optimists like to call it communication. With that thought I would take you through the first three steps.

1. Research:

          I went to university library and I was searching for the book, "oil change for dummies". I didn't find it. I went to the sweet girl in the counter and asked for the book "Oil change for dummies". She gave me a strange and weird look, like as if I was hitting on her. I wanted to explain to that lady that "I've come here looking for a book, not a woman". I figured out that world is not supportive for a man who wants to do oil change on his own. I reluctantly got into the Internet. I decided that was my last option available.

2. Planning:

       I have high amount of distrust about the information available on the Internet. Somehow I took the information, and compartmentalized the things to do under the car, things to do under the hood, things to do inside the car. I made an extensive notes and arranged in file folders, took some photographs of my car and compared it with the diagrams on the Internet. with this much research and planning, I was ready for the mission, took my laptop, my Iphone, put them in my backpack, with hundreds of research papers and walked towards my car. I had a walk of a man who would not take a NO as an answer.

3. Execution:

        I approached my car and got under the car, it was a world of darkness. but I was excited because that was the first time I have ever gone under the car. I looked over and unscrewed the oil reservoir to get rid of the old one. kept the oil pan which I had purchased during planning stage underneath it. the oil was slowly falling down. I noticed something was going wrong here. I always remembered engine oil was dark blackish/brown in color, but the oil which was dripping was light in color something like water. then I realized I just opened the transmission fluid tank instead of oil tank. As I am the master of the perfect cover, I closed it with my hand and managed to open the oil tank. there was few drops of transmission fluid that got lost, I don't know how much does that matter to a car.

         After the successful completion of step under the car, now it was time to get under the hood. I opened the hood, and that opened a new gate of my life. I looked inside the hood, and what I saw was bliss. The sight which eluded me for so many years of my life. I located the oil reservoir, poured the oil  into the oil reservoir, I poured another liter too. after searching a little bit, I found oil filter, removed it and replaced with the new filter I had lubricated and put it back. Oh! By the way, taking out an oil filter is not an easy thing. I had to use all the 750 muscles in my body to remove it. Realistically I could have used a hammer and plopped it. Now task under the hood is completed.

         I looked around and I saw some people walking by, completely oblivious to my achievement. How Rude!! They didn't care that I have achieved such a great thing. I closed the hood with a sound that gave a bad boy image, and then got inside the car and started the ignition. Then I heard sweet music of engine saying "Thank you Aarvi for the oil change". The car started and I was going smoothly on the sweet land of satisfaction and sweet land of male ego vindication.

        On the half way thru, the dash started beeping. Beep! Beep! the message that the dash was showing was so embarrassing.

People say, "For any good story, don't spoil it with facts."

Let me tell you folks, there are two types of people, one who go under the hood of the car and change the oil and there are others who go under the hood of the car and put 2 liters of oil in transmission tank.